https://d1y502jg6fpugt.cloudfront.net/62030/archive/files/b85db51b77bde11b3f4dbfdc21511a2b.pdf?Expires=1787788800&Signature=tuTFYOsS%7EPKhOVOxSlR-xJCR2RcsYpusTTsIcdUlJKNgqLrhPrE7zAnZPyIRKVBFb6BUd9RwM8c1J0lx8GOJISmDf-En-q3KSiNmGWRaDfO3-81oz9hsdZ0oYzdHkeDE9BXRWJpEYrDOb9OH8sgrsNjwvCR3gzRCL-E4Vj782CoumziBu7okW6qSvl-kPJQ4ZRnY-cv4OnMz-9Xdg3AXb9HXVWYQfKtxLyHswYeks7BWL9cPITB-G2NpB7YkgEU8sGQ0%7EnjdNasmwyzya5YZKb407aKsjyp6YpoV8QpNABIxHptZJIME1NgUmIMqDxnY5b65NMCIJBumaqiiCt-b8Q__&Key-Pair-Id=K6UGZS9ZTDSZM bb485492af1c31160f1bfcd0c91db5e0 PDF Text Text 12Health&Education The best sex tip you’ll ever get All illustrations by Sally Lin | The McGill Daily The McGill Daily, Thursday, April 1, 2010 Love triangles, sexual education, and memories of sex talks past Sex talks Maddie Guerlain and Amanda Unruh Y esterday I learned a new word: triad. It all began when talking to a friend about sex educator and blogger Andrea Zanin and her most recent post about triads. So, what is a triad? Think of an equilateral triangle, with each point a different person and everyone in a relationship with each other. Zanin calls it a “four-in-one relationship” where all three people are involved (three different couple relationships), plus the relationship between all three people together. It took me a few minutes to get this (try to make a mental diagram), and my initial response was: Damn. That must be complicated. But then again, what relationship isn’t? Sexual or not, relationships require work. To name a few: friends, lovers, friends you want to become lovers, parents, siblings, et cetera. As a person in a triad, Zanin goes on to list some helpful tips, prefacing the post by saying most of her advice is probably useful for other non-monogamous relationships as well (and here I would add most relationships in general, to an extent). Eventually she reaches one of my all-time favourite sexy topics: communication. If you haven’t noticed a theme in this column over the year, then here it is explicitly stated again: communication. Even the name of the column says it: sex talks. Zanin brings up three great points about communication for triads specifically, but I would say it’s applicable to most relationships. “Communicate about sex. Hell, communicate about everything. And on top of that, communicate about how you communicate.” This is a good way to think about communication at different levels, such as communicating with a partner(s) about sex, but also communication more broadly in terms of sexual health and education. Her final point is also incredibly important: people communicate differently and so it can be helpful to know what those differences are in order to communicate well. One example: don’t have a serious conversation while cooking dinner with someone who gets grumpy when hungry. For almost every topic mentioned in this column, communication comes up as being very important. Want to try using a new toy? Being in a polyamorous relationship? Finding out where your G-spot is? Talk about it. I polled a few friends of mine today at lunch on what their number-one sex tip is. The winning answer? Communicate with other people. Talking about sex is great for a number of reasons. First, talking about sex makes having safer sex a lot easier. Speaking out loud about condoms, lube, dental dams, or STIs reduces the stigma that often surrounds them and makes it easier to figure out what works best for you. If you can say something out loud just hanging out, it will probably be easier to talk about it later when getting it on. Sounds awkward? It definitely doesn’t have to be. Try whispering in someone’s ear: can I take off your shirt? Very hot and asking for consent at the same time! Talking about sex can be very sexy, lots of fun, and easily done by just asking what feels good or saying what you like. However, as a very wise friend once told me, sometimes communication isn’t sexy. Sometimes “no” needs to be said out loud, straight-up, without any frills or innuendo. When asking for consent, no matter how sexy you make it, hearing “no” always needs to be listened to and respected. So why can communicating about sex be so damn difficult? It may be easy to talk about talking about sex, but once under the covers it can get a lot harder – especially suggesting something new or saying no. One thing that makes it difficult is the way we are taught about sex in high school. For example, in 2005, Quebec cut its sex ed class out of the curriculum – a great way to shut down conversation and leave teenagers in the dark about sexual health. While the government argued sex would become integrated into many different classes in an attempt at a more holistic approach, teacher’s time, budget constraints, and a lack of training has meant this is simply not the case. Instead, sex education can be spotty, biased, false, or nonexistent, and amazing community organizations like Head and Hands in NDG have had to fill in the gaps. In other places, where sex ed still exists, high school can leave us with the impression that 1) sex is only between a man and a woman with a penis and a vagina, respectively; 2) sex will either lead to an STI or pregnancy and is therefore dangerous; and 3) there is nothing pleasurable about sex, so don’t get any ideas. It’s not until after a number of awkward encounters that we begin to realize none of these are true. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a sex ed teacher mention that sex can also feel good – something like this: “So, class, now that we have learned how to have safer sex, I just wanted to mention that there are a lot of nerve endings in your nipples and touching them can feel really good. Next time you are masturbating or with a partner, check that out. But first ask them if it’s okay, and then, if you try it, check in to see if it does feel good, because not everyone likes this.” I was lucky enough to have a wonderful/horrifying sex talk with my dad when I was 14 that quickly cleared up any of these high school myths. His opening statement on our three-hour car ride together: “You know, Maddie, sex is a really great thing.” He later went on to explain how important respect is, and in retrospect this conversation was very insightful (at the time I was trying to throw myself out the window into oncoming traffic). It probably has something to do with why I am writing this today. Communicating is hard, but it doesn’t have to be awkward or unsexy. Rethinking our ideas about communication between partners, and sex ed in general, helps bring pleasure back into the picture. This way, talking about sex can be easier and sex can be what it should be: really fucking awesome. HEALTH AND EDUCATION EDITOR Applications due April 4 at midnight healthandeducation@mcgilldaily.com � Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Coverage from The McGill Daily Text A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text. Original Format The type of object, such as painting, sculpture, paper, photo, and additional data PDF Volume 99 Issue 42 Page Number(s) 12 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource The best sex tip you'll ever get Description An account of the resource A discussion of sex education, sexual health, and polyamory. Creator An entity primarily responsible for making the resource Maddie Guerlain, Amanda Unruh Publisher An entity responsible for making the resource available The McGill Daily Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource 2010/04/01 Format The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource PDF Language A language of the resource English consent Quebec Government Sex sex-ed