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                    <text>Health&amp;Education

The McGill Daily, Thursday, March 18, 2010

13

Let’s talk about sex, baby
Early sexual education (or lack thereof ) gives us a limiting idea of the three-letter word

Sex talks
Maddie Guerlain and Amanda Unruh

W

hen we were in middle
school, the word sex
was usually spoken in
hushed tones between friends,
accompanied with giggles. Often
we weren’t quite sure exactly what
“sex” referred to, but we knew it
deserved a quiet, reverent tone – or
that it wasn’t supposed to be talked
about at all.
Up until that age, sex had been
explained to many of us as something a man and a woman who love
each other (or who are married,
depending on your upbringing) do
to make a baby. Maybe your experience was different, and your knowledge was more comprehensive than
ours. But this experience mirrors
millions of children’s – it’s the way
sex is explained to future generations of sexually active people.
Whether parents avoid the topic,
or make it explicitly clear that it’s a
taboo subject, it leaves teens and
young adults trying to make their
way through a sexual landscape,
piecing together what they know
and experience as “sex.” But what
does “having sex” mean to most
people?
According to a study done
in 2003, university students still
believe the childhood explanation
of sex, that it involves some kind of

penetration, most often involving
a penis and a vagina. This seems
limiting to us on many levels. What
about oral sex or hand sex? Only 20
per cent of students in this study
identified oral-genital contact as
sex, and 10 per cent of people considered sex to be touching the genitals as leading to orgasm. These
assumptions of “having sex” can
create problems and confusion on
many levels, from understanding
what a partner wants when stating “let’s have sex” – a more obvious statement than most seduction
innuendos – to knowing the kinds
of sexual health risks you are taking
depending on your activity.
Professionals who work in sexual health (educators, nurses, doctors, et cetera) will discuss various
sexual activities including penetrative, oral, and hand sex, rather than
make a sweeping assumption of
what being “sexually active” means,
as activities have differing levels of
risk associated with them for pregnancy or contraction of STIs. These
distinctions, however, are not often
made by the general public, as we
often forget these concerns and
group oral and hand sex into the
foreplay category, separating it from
something related to “sex,” something that has no risk. This divide

Zara Meerza | The McGill Daily

creates a hierarchy of what “sex”
can include, as though everything is
just warm up for the “main event” –
penetration. For many, penetration
may be pleasurable, but for others,
“sex” includes a lot more.
Here are some other definitions
of what sex can be, as asked to ran-

dom McGill students. Sex is: anything that ends in an orgasm; slow,
soft touching; sweaty; an expression
of a natural human need; emotionally intimate.
As you can see, there are many
definitions of what sex is. The most
important is the one which you

and your partner(s) have. By communicating with your partner about
what you include in your definition
and your goals of “having sex” (To
orgasm? To have fun? To get a good
workout?), your sexy time will be
more pleasurable, enjoyable, and
safe.

Of hard-ons and cultural taboos
Owning sexual awakening can be tougher for women: a personal narrative
Tiegan Hobbs

Health &amp; Education Writer

W

hen I was in the eighth
grade there was this guy
in my class that could not
control his erections. Even though
my friends and I giggled about it a
lot it was a pretty unfortunate situation for the poor guy. He couldn’t
have wanted to get hard during
math class.
I’ve been using this as an example of why I think puberty for men
is so much more embarrassing than
for women for a long time since. A
lined bra is all we need to hide most
traces of sexual arousal during those
awkward teen years. I used to think
this was great. Now I think maybe it
was ultimately detrimental.
At 12 I didn’t want to be sexually
involved. I wanted to be wanted and
I knew that being sexy made you
wanted. I wanted boys to want to
date me but I was terrified of being
expected to do anything more than

kiss. A few times I tried to masturbate but I couldn’t make it work.
Honestly? I was a little uncomfortable about spending time around
my vagina. As a young girl the first
introduction I had to my private
parts was when I was instructed
how to deal with menstruation – a
very gross idea.
On a personal level there was no
sex going on in me, but I knew about
sex outside of myself. It was staring
lecherously at me from underneath
that guy’s track pants. It was sailing
around on the edge of my friend’s
low-cut shirt. Sometimes I could
even lure it in with an exposed bit
of midriff or pair of short shorts.
Like I said, I wanted to be wanted
without actually having to touch or
see genitals.
From talking to guys now I get
a very different impression of what
pre-adolescence was like for them.
A friend of mine says he started
masturbating at the same time he
started getting those awkward erections. And though he was embar-

rassed, he also says that starting to
masturbate was the best thing that
ever happened to him. It seems
like at some point these boys got
sex thrown at them. Suddenly their
dicks were trying to break through
their pants for attention. And the
girls were giggling because everyone could see. It was so overt and
totally undeniable. They said they
didn’t even have to be thinking
about sex for it to happen.
At the same point in our lives, my
male friends and I were having such
radically different experiences. And
upon reflection I feel that these differences have stayed with me much
longer than I would’ve supposed.
I know now that the poor boy in
my class was probably getting hard
without wanting to. And that he, as
well as several of my other penisbearing sources, figured out that if
they rubbed their cocks, even over
their pants, it felt good.
They figured out self-pleasuring.
By 12. I certainly didn’t get that
memo at 12. Sexual pleasure start-

ed, for me, in my connection with
the person I was sexually involved
with. And when, in my own bedroom, I did figure out what made
me reach orgasm, I felt a little bit of
guilt and a lot of shame that I was
enjoying such a dirty place on my
body. I felt especially wretched at
the thought that my friends might
find out.
This summer I was visiting
some close pals from high school.
One night over the course of a few
drinks and a lot of truth-or-dare
Jenga I learned a lot about them I
didn’t know. For instance, they were
all touching themselves during high
school. Even better, they wished
they could have talked about it with
someone. We never expressed that,
though, and it never expressed
itself. It appeared, interestingly,
that certain characters (of potent
phallic desire and closeted muliebrous desire) are in our bedrooms
in roughly the same form they took
when we were 12.
Even though it was embarrassing

at the time, my boyfriends have more
or less grown up with this assurance that erections are unavoidable,
sexuality is natural, and masturbation is an understandable cure, (as
well as being really awesome). This
was something I wouldn’t know if I
hadn’t figured it out on my own. It
wasn’t until my first boyfriend that
I learned how to masturbate effectively. And it took me until the summer after my first year at university
that I truly understood that sexual
desire and personal gratification
are normal, natural, and acceptable.
Even though we both hit puberty
at roughly the same time, roughly,
it took me an extra seven years to
decide my orgasms were valid –
something I believe might’ve been
different if my clit had some way of
letting me know about itself sooner.
Just sayin’.
Tiegan Hobbs blogs about sex
online. Read about her continued
sexual awakening at tyranosaurussexxx.blogspot.com

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The best sex tip you’ll ever get

All illustrations by Sally Lin | The McGill Daily

The McGill Daily, Thursday, April 1, 2010

Love triangles, sexual education, and memories of sex talks past

Sex talks
Maddie Guerlain and Amanda Unruh

Y

esterday I learned a new
word: triad.
It all began when talking to
a friend about sex educator and blogger Andrea Zanin and her most recent
post about triads. So, what is a triad?
Think of an equilateral triangle, with
each point a different person and
everyone in a relationship with each
other. Zanin calls it a “four-in-one
relationship” where all three people
are involved (three different couple
relationships), plus the relationship
between all three people together.
It took me a few minutes to get this
(try to make a mental diagram), and
my initial response was: Damn. That
must be complicated.
But then again, what relationship isn’t? Sexual or not, relationships require work. To name a few:
friends, lovers, friends you want to
become lovers, parents, siblings, et
cetera. As a person in a triad, Zanin
goes on to list some helpful tips, prefacing the post by saying most of her
advice is probably useful for other
non-monogamous relationships as
well (and here I would add most relationships in general, to an extent).
Eventually she reaches one of my

all-time favourite sexy topics: communication. If you haven’t noticed a
theme in this column over the year,
then here it is explicitly stated again:
communication. Even the name of
the column says it: sex talks.
Zanin brings up three great
points about communication for
triads specifically, but I would say
it’s applicable to most relationships.
“Communicate about sex. Hell,
communicate about everything.
And on top of that, communicate
about how you communicate.”
This is a good way to think about
communication at different levels, such as communicating with a
partner(s) about sex, but also communication more broadly in terms
of sexual health and education.
Her final point is also incredibly
important: people communicate
differently and so it can be helpful to know what those differences
are in order to communicate well.
One example: don’t have a serious
conversation while cooking dinner
with someone who gets grumpy
when hungry.
For almost every topic mentioned
in this column, communication comes

up as being very important. Want to
try using a new toy? Being in a polyamorous relationship? Finding out where
your G-spot is? Talk about it. I polled a
few friends of mine today at lunch on
what their number-one sex tip is. The
winning answer? Communicate with
other people.
Talking about sex is great for
a number of reasons. First, talking
about sex makes having safer sex a
lot easier. Speaking out loud about
condoms, lube, dental dams, or
STIs reduces the stigma that often
surrounds them and makes it easier
to figure out what works best for
you. If you can say something out
loud just hanging out, it will probably be easier to talk about it later
when getting it on.
Sounds awkward? It definitely
doesn’t have to be. Try whispering
in someone’s ear: can I take off your
shirt? Very hot and asking for consent at the same time! Talking about
sex can be very sexy, lots of fun,
and easily done by just asking what
feels good or saying what you like.
However, as a very wise friend once
told me, sometimes communication
isn’t sexy. Sometimes “no” needs to
be said out loud, straight-up, without
any frills or innuendo. When asking
for consent, no matter how sexy you

make it, hearing “no” always needs
to be listened to and respected.
So why can communicating about
sex be so damn difficult? It may be
easy to talk about talking about sex,
but once under the covers it can get
a lot harder – especially suggesting
something new or saying no. One
thing that makes it difficult is the
way we are taught about sex in high
school. For example, in 2005, Quebec
cut its sex ed class out of the curriculum – a great way to shut down conversation and leave teenagers in the
dark about sexual health.
While the government argued
sex would become integrated into
many different classes in an attempt
at a more holistic approach, teacher’s
time, budget constraints, and a lack
of training has meant this is simply
not the case. Instead, sex education
can be spotty, biased, false, or nonexistent, and amazing community
organizations like Head and Hands
in NDG have had to fill in the gaps.
In other places, where sex ed
still exists, high school can leave us
with the impression that 1) sex is
only between a man and a woman
with a penis and a vagina, respectively; 2) sex will either lead to an
STI or pregnancy and is therefore
dangerous; and 3) there is nothing

pleasurable about sex, so don’t get
any ideas.
It’s not until after a number of
awkward encounters that we begin
to realize none of these are true.
Wouldn’t it be nice to have a sex ed
teacher mention that sex can also
feel good – something like this:
“So, class, now that we have
learned how to have safer sex, I just
wanted to mention that there are a
lot of nerve endings in your nipples
and touching them can feel really
good. Next time you are masturbating or with a partner, check that
out. But first ask them if it’s okay,
and then, if you try it, check in to
see if it does feel good, because not
everyone likes this.”
I was lucky enough to have a
wonderful/horrifying sex talk with
my dad when I was 14 that quickly
cleared up any of these high school
myths. His opening statement on
our three-hour car ride together:
“You know, Maddie, sex is a really
great thing.” He later went on to
explain how important respect is,
and in retrospect this conversation
was very insightful (at the time I
was trying to throw myself out the
window into oncoming traffic). It
probably has something to do with
why I am writing this today.
Communicating is hard, but it
doesn’t have to be awkward or unsexy. Rethinking our ideas about
communication between partners,
and sex ed in general, helps bring
pleasure back into the picture. This
way, talking about sex can be easier
and sex can be what it should be:
really fucking awesome.

HEALTH AND EDUCATION EDITOR
Applications due April 4 at midnight
healthandeducation@mcgilldaily.com

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                    <text>40Health&amp;Education

The McGill Daily | Monday, April 4, 2011 | mcgilldaily.com

The classroom takes on the bedroom
Community groups create new strategies for sex education in Quebec
Lisa Routly

Health&amp;Education Writer

O

n the evening of March 16,
forty McGill Education students convened on campus
for a student-organized teacher
training event on a topic that continues to ignite controversy and
concern amongst teachers and the
general public alike: sex education.
This event was the first of its
kind at McGill, and was led by sex
educators from AIDS Community
Care Montreal (ACCM), a volunteerbased, community organization
founded in 1987 whose aim, according to the organization’s mission
statement, is “to enhance the quality of life of people living with HIV/
AIDS, to prevent HIV transmission,
and to promote community awareness and action.”
In 2007, a team of ACCM volunteers began the process of creating
and assembling a Teacher Toolkit,
which provides teacher-friendly sex
education curricula, including lesson plans and multimedia resources designed with Quebec’s current
education program in mind. Since
October 2010, ACCM has expanded
its services and has been training
teachers in teaching sex education. The ACCM Teacher Toolkit,
along with other similar community-based sex education programs,
such as Montreal’s Head and Hands
“Sense Project,” speak to the need
for increased discussion and dissemination of knowledge and information over this sensitive topic.
The issue has become increasingly
salient since Quebec’s education
reform in 2005, when sex education
was removed from the province’s
curriculum.
“The idea [behind the reform]
was that [sex education] would
become a more holistic process,
and would be infused throughout

Tom

the entire curriculum,” explained
Lisa Trimble, a McGill instructor
and sex education researcher. “The
problem is that it is optional, and
teachers are not given any training, resources, or support to teach
sex education.” Furthermore, the
Ministère de l’Éducation, du Loisir,
et du Sports (MELS) indicates that
it is now the responsibility of all
teachers to “ensure that students
develop a sense of responsibility for
adopting good habits with respect
to health, safety, and sexuality.”
Additionally, with the increasing
predominance of sexually-transmitted infections, teen pregnancies,

and bullying targeted on youth of
various sexual orientations, “youth
are on the frontlines,” commented
Amanda Unruh, McGill’s Health
Promotion Coordinator. “The need
for quality sex education is clear.”
This need has been met by community organizations, such as ACCM,
which Trimble explained, “work
with schools and other youth community organizations to get sex
positive [and] queer positive sexual education workshops, based
[on] a harm reduction philosophy,
and youth empowerment praxis out
to Montreal youth.” While these services have been effective in dealing

BOOSTER
SHOT
Alcohol medication
gets discriminatory
Results of a recent study conducted at the Research Institute
of the McGill University Health
Centre indicate that naltrexon –
one of the few medications effective used in the treatment of alcohol abuse – may only be effective
in women and those with a specific gene, the mu-opioid receptor gene (OPRM1).
Alcohol stimulates the release
of endorphins in the brain, which
bind to opioid receptors, a kind
of specialized protein. The activation of these opioid receptors
creates feelings of euphoria and

pleasure, the same experienced
in drunkenness. Naltrexone
blocks the receptors and thus
decreases the euphoric effects
of alcohol. OPRM1 plays a crucial
role because it affects the sensitivity of the receptor to the pleasurable effects of alcohol and the
ability of naltrexone to diminish these effects, said Marco
Leyton of McGill’s department of
Psychiatry, the head investigator
of the study. However, researchers are as of yet unsure as to
why the drug is so effective in
women, despite the fact that not
all women have the OPRM1 gene.
The benefit of these results
is clear: “It will help us give the

right medication to the right
people,” said Leyton. There is a
possibility that further research
could lead to a new drug that is
effective for everyone, but “since
there are probably many pathways that lead to alcoholism,
there are probably also multiple
treatments that will be needed,”
he explained. Moreover, he does
not advise that people currently
taking naltrexone stop taking it
until they have consulted their
doctor.
The results will be published in
the June 2011 issue of Alcoholism:
Clinical &amp; Experimental Research.
— Veronica Winslow

er |
A ck

M
The

c Gi

ll D

aily

with the questions, concerns, and
curiosities of young people, Trimble
added that “youth in Montreal have
consistently called for more sex education and more access to conversations about emotions, pleasure,
desire, and identities.”
Yet while MELS has given teachers the responsibility to educate
youth about sexuality, they have
not provided teachers with a standard sex education curriculum
that would provide the tools, information, and training to teach the
subject matter with confidence
and ease. Marla Schreiber, ACCM’s
Teacher Toolkit Coordinator and

sex educator summed up teachers’
apprehensions well: “it’s one thing if
you fumble a date in history… If you
make a mistake in sex ed, there can
be dire consequences.” Unruh was
involved in the initial development
of ACCM’s Teacher Toolkit in 2007,
and emphasized that “not everyone
is comfortable talking about sex.
How can they be if they were never
trained to do it? An English teacher
wouldn’t be expected to teach Math
without being knowledgeable in the
field.” The reform has asked teachers to do just that.
Though the Teacher Toolkit is a
positive move in the right direction,
Unruh highlighted the fact that the
training is about two to four hours
long, which may not be comprehensive. Robert Beaudry, a third-year
Education student who attended
the training event on March 16
echoed this concern: “I thought I
knew everything, and I realized I
didn’t, which is gratifying. But I also
learned that this should actually
constitute a full semester course,
as part of the McGill Bachelor of
Education.”
While at present neither the
province nor the university offer
teachers standardized training in
the subject of sex education, Fiona
Benson, Director of the Office of
Student Teaching at McGill, assured
that she has been “trying for some
time to organize a MELS-led workshop for faculty [at McGill]. I am
hopeful that this will come about in
the fall.”
As evinced by the attendance
at the ACCM teacher training, preservice teachers are demanding
training and taking their education
into their own hands. Though a sex
education course is not presently
offered, teachers can become aware
of available training. As Schreiber
emphasized, “you don’t need to be
an expert. There is a universe of
support out there.”

Go to
mcgilldaily.com
for Melanie Kim’s article on
the BCG World Atlas and McGill’s
step toward curing tuberculosis

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                    <text>40Health&amp;Education

The McGill Daily | Monday, April 4, 2011 | mcgilldaily.com

The classroom takes on the bedroom
Community groups create new strategies for sex education in Quebec
Lisa Routly

Health&amp;Education Writer

O

n the evening of March 16,
forty McGill Education students convened on campus
for a student-organized teacher
training event on a topic that continues to ignite controversy and
concern amongst teachers and the
general public alike: sex education.
This event was the first of its
kind at McGill, and was led by sex
educators from AIDS Community
Care Montreal (ACCM), a volunteerbased, community organization
founded in 1987 whose aim, according to the organization’s mission
statement, is “to enhance the quality of life of people living with HIV/
AIDS, to prevent HIV transmission,
and to promote community awareness and action.”
In 2007, a team of ACCM volunteers began the process of creating
and assembling a Teacher Toolkit,
which provides teacher-friendly sex
education curricula, including lesson plans and multimedia resources designed with Quebec’s current
education program in mind. Since
October 2010, ACCM has expanded
its services and has been training
teachers in teaching sex education. The ACCM Teacher Toolkit,
along with other similar community-based sex education programs,
such as Montreal’s Head and Hands
“Sense Project,” speak to the need
for increased discussion and dissemination of knowledge and information over this sensitive topic.
The issue has become increasingly
salient since Quebec’s education
reform in 2005, when sex education
was removed from the province’s
curriculum.
“The idea [behind the reform]
was that [sex education] would
become a more holistic process,
and would be infused throughout

Tom

the entire curriculum,” explained
Lisa Trimble, a McGill instructor
and sex education researcher. “The
problem is that it is optional, and
teachers are not given any training, resources, or support to teach
sex education.” Furthermore, the
Ministère de l’Éducation, du Loisir,
et du Sports (MELS) indicates that
it is now the responsibility of all
teachers to “ensure that students
develop a sense of responsibility for
adopting good habits with respect
to health, safety, and sexuality.”
Additionally, with the increasing
predominance of sexually-transmitted infections, teen pregnancies,

and bullying targeted on youth of
various sexual orientations, “youth
are on the frontlines,” commented
Amanda Unruh, McGill’s Health
Promotion Coordinator. “The need
for quality sex education is clear.”
This need has been met by community organizations, such as ACCM,
which Trimble explained, “work
with schools and other youth community organizations to get sex
positive [and] queer positive sexual education workshops, based
[on] a harm reduction philosophy,
and youth empowerment praxis out
to Montreal youth.” While these services have been effective in dealing

BOOSTER
SHOT
Alcohol medication
gets discriminatory
Results of a recent study conducted at the Research Institute
of the McGill University Health
Centre indicate that naltrexon –
one of the few medications effective used in the treatment of alcohol abuse – may only be effective
in women and those with a specific gene, the mu-opioid receptor gene (OPRM1).
Alcohol stimulates the release
of endorphins in the brain, which
bind to opioid receptors, a kind
of specialized protein. The activation of these opioid receptors
creates feelings of euphoria and

pleasure, the same experienced
in drunkenness. Naltrexone
blocks the receptors and thus
decreases the euphoric effects
of alcohol. OPRM1 plays a crucial
role because it affects the sensitivity of the receptor to the pleasurable effects of alcohol and the
ability of naltrexone to diminish these effects, said Marco
Leyton of McGill’s department of
Psychiatry, the head investigator
of the study. However, researchers are as of yet unsure as to
why the drug is so effective in
women, despite the fact that not
all women have the OPRM1 gene.
The benefit of these results
is clear: “It will help us give the

right medication to the right
people,” said Leyton. There is a
possibility that further research
could lead to a new drug that is
effective for everyone, but “since
there are probably many pathways that lead to alcoholism,
there are probably also multiple
treatments that will be needed,”
he explained. Moreover, he does
not advise that people currently
taking naltrexone stop taking it
until they have consulted their
doctor.
The results will be published in
the June 2011 issue of Alcoholism:
Clinical &amp; Experimental Research.
— Veronica Winslow

er |
A ck

M
The

c Gi

ll D

aily

with the questions, concerns, and
curiosities of young people, Trimble
added that “youth in Montreal have
consistently called for more sex education and more access to conversations about emotions, pleasure,
desire, and identities.”
Yet while MELS has given teachers the responsibility to educate
youth about sexuality, they have
not provided teachers with a standard sex education curriculum
that would provide the tools, information, and training to teach the
subject matter with confidence
and ease. Marla Schreiber, ACCM’s
Teacher Toolkit Coordinator and

sex educator summed up teachers’
apprehensions well: “it’s one thing if
you fumble a date in history… If you
make a mistake in sex ed, there can
be dire consequences.” Unruh was
involved in the initial development
of ACCM’s Teacher Toolkit in 2007,
and emphasized that “not everyone
is comfortable talking about sex.
How can they be if they were never
trained to do it? An English teacher
wouldn’t be expected to teach Math
without being knowledgeable in the
field.” The reform has asked teachers to do just that.
Though the Teacher Toolkit is a
positive move in the right direction,
Unruh highlighted the fact that the
training is about two to four hours
long, which may not be comprehensive. Robert Beaudry, a third-year
Education student who attended
the training event on March 16
echoed this concern: “I thought I
knew everything, and I realized I
didn’t, which is gratifying. But I also
learned that this should actually
constitute a full semester course,
as part of the McGill Bachelor of
Education.”
While at present neither the
province nor the university offer
teachers standardized training in
the subject of sex education, Fiona
Benson, Director of the Office of
Student Teaching at McGill, assured
that she has been “trying for some
time to organize a MELS-led workshop for faculty [at McGill]. I am
hopeful that this will come about in
the fall.”
As evinced by the attendance
at the ACCM teacher training, preservice teachers are demanding
training and taking their education
into their own hands. Though a sex
education course is not presently
offered, teachers can become aware
of available training. As Schreiber
emphasized, “you don’t need to be
an expert. There is a universe of
support out there.”

Go to
mcgilldaily.com
for Melanie Kim’s article on
the BCG World Atlas and McGill’s
step toward curing tuberculosis

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    </tagContainer>
  </item>
</itemContainer>
